“I believe I can see the future; cause I repeat the same routine. Every day is exactly the same.” Trent Reznor, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Well, except when I was singing Nine Inch Nails in the shower this morning, that was better. But I digress.

This is a sweet little routine we have going on here at the M.O.F. Will and I write things (snarky, clever, witty things) about stuff (mostly bacon) and you check it out. In some cases you might pull the trigger and buy it (Nooka AO) and in some cases you just can’t (Baconfest). Let’s be real though people, if it’s tangible you are at least interested in buying it. (Baconfest cannot be purchased, it must be experienced.) Here we go again (not on our own though) with some hot mancessory action.

Ties. Is there anything they aren’t good for? Severe blood loss? Tourniquet. Epic sweating from studying Andy Roddick’s serve? Headband. Forgot your pink fuzzy handcuffs? Do the math. Ties remain popular, even cool, in an era when out of touch artist’s styles bastardize t-shirts everywhere. (You know who I’m talking about and you know you agree with me.) Luckily, ties are the fashion equivalent of pi (not the om nom nom kind), which is to say they’re constant. Wear it with a suit, a t-shirt (risky but doable), a vest, or nothing. It doesn’t matter how you do it or what you want because the tie is there, ready to make damn near every outfit better. Hell, ties are so awesome even women are wearing them now!

With that being said, I must confess my love affair for the vintage, square-bottom, knit tie. Someone important/famous/super cool decided this vintage look was in again. While I lament my original fashion choices being stolen by pseudolebrities (the vest is mine JT, MINE!), it does make particularly odd pieces much more accessible to the general populous.  So it goes with the vintage, square-bottom, knit tie.

Up until recently, if you wanted one of these your only option was Ralph Lauren Black Label. It may not be Polo (bland), but even RL describes their version of the tie as “crochet” knit.  I don’t know about you, but every time I see the word crochet I think of crotchety. Ralph Lauren has pretty much the same effect and it’s not a feeling I like. Oh yeah, RL also charges $100 for this tie. That’s right, one complete bill. In my book that is one bill too many.

J. Crew saves the day once again. (Will has been trying to convert me to the Crew darkside for quite some time; this may very well be the first step.) You can buy this particular tie for $49.50 from the website, or go to a J. Crew store and pay $19.99 plus tax like I did. It’s the same length, the same width (2″), same silk tape (collar), and has the same ribbed ends as the crotchety RL tie, but it costs eighty percent less. EIGHTY. PERCENT. You know what? No one that sees it is even going to know the difference, so spend the extra $80 on bacon.

-Ben (@CobaltInfinity)

Kick it like your old man for the rest of the pictures. Bowl haircuts are still out though. Sorry dad. Continue reading →

This post could have been written entirely with quotes from Anchorman. I’m not kidding; the IMDB “Memorable Quotes” section might as well be the screenplay.

It could have gone something like this:

Random: What cologne you gonna go with?
Me: She gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Random: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Me: That’s the smell of desire.
Random: I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Me: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Random: Please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke.
Me: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
Random: That doesn’t make sense.
Me: Don’t act like you’re not impressed.

Instead, I’m just gonna hit you with the facts (no grenades, tridents, or Tom O’Leary) direct from the urgent Sex Panther News Brief:

What is sex panther? Sex Panther is a cologne. It is a manly cologne. So don’t even try wearing it if you’re not manly.

How do I put it on? Most people unscrew the cap, apply it by the handful to exposed skin areas, and pour a generous amount down the front of the pants.

How does it work? Imagine wearing a midnight-black t-shirt with a wolf airbrushed on the front and a great white shark arm-wrestling a sherman tank on the back. Now imagine wearing a three-piece suit made out of those shirts. It’s like that, but in cologne form.

What else do I need to know? One word: Moustaches.

The people at Sex Panther are kind enough to provide scientific evidence of these claims:

Is this product a gimmicky, hype-filled, throwback to a now classic comedy film fiasco? Yes. Does it matter? Not in the slightest. Even in this economy $35 is not going to break the bank (I’m going to have to spend more than that just so I can bring my shoes to Denver). Does it smell good? Honestly, I have no idea. The $35 is worth it just for the conversations it will start when you “accidentally” leave it on your nightstand when returning after an evening of jazz flute with your special lady. If that doesn’t seal the deal, it’s basically the greatest piece of movie memorabilia ever. Well, until they start selling Burgundy label scotch or Brick Tridents.

-Ben (@CobaltInfinity)

+1 Charisma
+1 Constitution
+1 Dexterity
+1 Wisdom

I’ve had some more time to play with the Ben Sherman Weekender bag (if only I could fit inside), and it continues to Shock me.

Not only did I discover a hidden elastic band in the strap that is useful for, you know, expanding, but the strap itself is surprisingly more comfortable than what I am used to.  In addition to this, the fact that the strap is anchored on opposite sides of the bag makes it very easy to carry.

That takes care of a few of the aforementioned skill points, now let’s address the others. The whole “Charisma” thing obviously comes from the way that it looks.  Stop. Collaborate and listen.

I hope that was an acceptable amount of time for you to sing the song in your head. I digress. This bag is gorgeous and shows little or no signs of wear and I have taken it on three weekend trips. Backcountry? Dispelled. Urban Exploration (B&E + Camera)? Dispelled. Beack? No problem. (I’m not Googling D&D anymore cause the history sticks with you man!).

The best part of the bag was something I discovered quite by accident while packing for this weekend (Yo-Yo Ma and the Air & Water Show). Earlier I mentioned that I was enthralled with the fact the two sides of the bag separate when completely unzipped. This is quite excellent, but wait! There’s more! The side of the bag that the zipper pull closes to (which makes it much more convenient for access) has a secret compartment.

Ok, it’s not “technically” secret because it requires no special words, phrases, or convoluted series of actions to open, but it’s news to me. So don’t ruin my fun!

In all seriousness people, this bag is a blast (Magic Missile) and you should definitely check it out if you haven’t already.

-Ben (@CobaltInfinity)

Shhhhh…. Secret Pocket.

It’s got tricks up its sleeve;

Most Luddites won’t believe.

Because we’re Men and we want jewelry too dammit! Err…accessories…I meant accessories. Tracey Mayer aims to fill that void and simultaneously empty another (quality is priceless). The devil is truly in the details, and Tracey is all about the details. Maybe it’s that watch that makes every outfit work, or maybe it’s a tie. It could, in all likelihood, even be a sweet pair of specs or cufflinks. You pick your poison and odds are Tracey has something to satisfy. Today’s menu (Sorry, no @#$!%*!& Blago Burger here. This will be my one Chicago reference.) includes the Disguise, Nian, or Flex collections, each of which includes a number of pieces all meticulously crafted with an attention to detail that Men’s “jewelry” is unaccustomed to.

Would you jump if I told you to? That was rhetorical, just do it.

- Ben (@CobaltInfinity) Continue reading →

3Oh!3, snow, MSTRKRFT, powder, Daft Punk, salt, the list goes on and on. You can throw just about anything at (into) the Burton DJ Bag and it will graciously accept it with a smile (assuming bags had mouths and emotions of course). The point, dear readers, is that it doesn’t matter if you want to spin “phat beats” or “shred the backcountry” because this bag is for you.

You can even use it for surfing… as long as it’s web surfing. Just click the button to read the rest! Continue reading →