The Danger Dog
As my girlfriend continues on her no-meat-this-week quest, I started to think, “Well, dang. Our 4 month anniversary is here, and I know one of her favorite things in the world is a good, old fashioned Danger Dog.”
I had never heard of these before we started dating, but you really gotta love someone that is so thrilled at such a simple pleasure. Makes me all that much happier, even. She told me she was introduced to the Danger in L.A. and gave me a rundown as to what they were.
Not skeptical at all, seeing as how the Danger Dog combines basically all my favorite things (encased meat, bacon, onion, mustard, awesomeness), we made them for a BBQ for all of our friends. Seeing how happy she was making them and watching all enjoy, I decided to augment the recipe to make it vegetarian friendly. She came home from work, walked through the door, saw the onions in the mustard sizzling stove-top, and smiled in a way that made a part of me melt…
Cue sappy music and hit pause on the Faint.
Danger Dogs gettin marinated.
Here is what ya need:
- Tofurky Dogs / Smart Dogs / Tofu Pups (Your choice, really)
- Smart Bacon (or any fake bacon you want)
- Tequila (to taste)
- Jalapeno juice (to taste)
- 2 Cups Onion (diced)
- 1/2 Cup Jalapeno (diced)
- Yellow Mustard (as much as you want)
Slice the tofu dog slightly so they soak up the marinade, and throw them into a plastic container that will fit them. Pour on as much tequila as you’re willing to give them, as well as the juice from the jar of pickled jalapenos, cover, and shake. While those pups soak in spicy alcoholic goodness, chop the onion and jalapenos and greet them to the warm skillet ready with a spray of cooking oil. As the veggies start to cook up, and after about 10 minutes or so, grab the tofu dogs, the fake bacon, and some toothpicks. Wrap each encased “meat” in the bacon, securing them with toothpicks, and put back into the marinade.
Mustard, Onions, and Peppers
Dang, I can’t believe I didn’t say this earlier. MAKE SURE THE MUSIC IS ON! It is a proven fact by the world’s best scientists that the best cooking happens when you’re listening to the music you love. It adds something to the meal, akin to that “Like Water for Chocolate” movie… Good flick, BTW. Anyhow, I went with the Faint’s “Wet From Birth.” It’s one of my faves, it gets me moving, and it just felt right. Okay, now that that’s on, those onions and peppers on the stove should be ready for a little mustard treatment. Add, really, as much as you want. I love yellow mustard. I know my girlfriend loves it. So I was generous. I think I used half the bottle of one of those mid-sized ones. As that started to soak into the veggies and cook up something proper, I had another skillet heated up with some cooking spray, grabbed the dogs, and threw em on. Ah, that sizzle. I will never tire of that sound.
As all this cooked, the record ran out of songs, so I listened to a few choice faves again, in particular, “Birth.” Heard that song? No? Listen to it. Now. As the third listen ran out, everything was done. including the jicama, red pepper and romaine salad I prepared as a side (and that which I omitted because you should make whatever side you want) my girlfriend came through the door and… you know the rest.
I poured us a few glasses of the Rattlesnake Chardonnay we just got and sat down for a meal of epic happiness proportions. It was, to say the least, nothing short of amazing. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never grow up when it comes to the kitchen. I mean, fettuccine alfredo is, afterall just mac n’ cheese for adults. And a hot dog will always make me smile. And I’d opt for an American cheese grilled cheese with a side of ketchup before anything gourmet any day of the week.
Silver Lake's Rattlesnake Chardonnay
So, with that, I would like to once again wish my girlfriend a happy anniversary. To never having to grow up. To many more together.
Enjoy the Danger Dogs.
- Will
